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She grew up surrounded by war: at home her parents fought, constantly, conducting silent battles of attrition in which Haddad and her brother were conscripted as messengers.

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It's terrible. It was a big love story, but they were not made for each other. Haddad eventually got used to everything — the severed limb of a neighbour lying on the pavement, the men tied to cars and dragged through the streets, the gunfire and bomb shelters — everything except the whistle of approaching shells.

Aged seven she came into the kitchen to find her grandmother, to whom she was close, and whom she was always told she resembled, lying dead on the floor, having poisoned herself.

  2. Joumana Haddad: 'I live in a country that hates me' | From the Guardian | The Guardian.
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  5. That was how she discovered that suicide ran in the family: years later she tried to come to terms with this by editing an anthology of poets who had killed themselves. At 12, already versed in Balzac and Dostoevsky, Salinger and Eluard, she discovered, in her printer father's large library, the Marquis de Sade's Justine, or the Misfortunes of Virtue. Horrified and hypnotised, she read the whole thing. She also knows, however, that she is damaged, rudderless in a profound way, and that one of the results is that she is attracted to transgression for transgression's sake.

    Her achievement is to tether that instinct to her cause and to enact her beliefs; her recklessness in doing so is brave and immensely admirable, but also makes one slightly worried for her. Behind the laughter and defiance lurks a sense of what her unconventional path might have cost.

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    In Lebanon the two routes for clever people were medicine or engineering, and so, although what she really wanted to do was write, she did a first degree in biological sciences — "but you know — poetry is a lot about science as well — it's a lot about having a kind of rhythm and logic and structure in your head. I don't think they're so estranged. She regards having children so early as a blessing: by the time she was writing and publishing poetry full-time, they were at school.

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    When she first started publishing there were suggestions that it was actually a man writing the poems — "it amazes you? People think like that in the Arab world.

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    A woman cannot have a talent. It's so frustrating. Why, he asked sorrowfully, can't you use the word "column"?

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    8. Haddad's own husband, a hotelier, became increasingly uncomfortable with her concerns and prominence — "he would make fun of my writer friends, would make fun of me — you know, childish stuff" — and, after paying to convert from Catholicism to the Syriac Orthodox faith though Haddad is, in fact, an atheist , they divorced when she was It was amicable, and they are still friends.

      That was my only condition. And sometimes, there's friends of mine who tell me that they're both going to marry very traditional women. Well, who knows? Her current husband, who she has been with for 10 years and married three years ago, is also a poet. They live in houses 15 minutes apart, because if there's anything she feels she's learned about relationships it's that "it's good to keep a certain distance, you know?

      Keep your own space. I think if it were economically possible many people would love to do that.

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      You would choose whether you want to spend the night with your husband or partner or not. But not just wake up and fight over the hot water and who's going to make coffee, because at the end of the day these things are really what ruin a relationship. Perhaps because he is 20 years older and met her at a different time, he is much more patient about her prominence, and while he "didn't want me to do the magazine, he doesn't like it, he is very supportive, and helps me any way he can.

      This is why I respect him. It's much more difficult to support people you don't agree with.

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      Why doesn't she leave altogether? Beirut seems to elicit such anger and loathing — but that's part of the point. Pretty soon, I started engineering my own sessions and before long was recording piece orchestras.

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      Along the way I learned audio sweetening and talked my boss into buying the first 16 track synod to 1" videotape sweetening studios. I started designing sound for films and TV shows and loved the art of sound design. Has Foley changed much since then?

      Obviously the digital manipulation of audio has made it much easier to capture and alter organic sounds, but what makes audio sweetening so amazing is how rich and powerful the sounds from nature are. That's not to take away from the amazing sounds you can get when you completely manipulate sound. The grooves on the edge of the quarter created an eerie metallic sound that was just perfect. That's great. But back to soft core porn: What sort of gear were you working with during the "Electric Blue" sessions?

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      Was there a specific sound you had to replicate or enhance more than others? We had a huge stairwell in our building. We used to place a mic on one end of the stairs, and a huge speaker on the other where we would pump the snare or tom-toms through to track the biggest reverb sound you can imagine.